Prelude

I had to get a mini-project at working moving yesterday so I stayed a bit late. I ended up coming home around 8pm hoping to relax, unaware of the radiation aura emanating from within. I passed through its angry field when I entered but could not detect it. My analog systems spared me the violent turbulence which I would soon discover.

The fax machine had been acting funny that morning. It would dial and pick up calls but a certain random static could be heard in the background. Parr tried all sorts of things to fix it including switching power sources, phone lines and unplugging other items. I think at one point the consensus was that this very complex all-in-none fax machine had kicked or at least stubbed its toe on the bucket. No one really thought much about it until later that day.

Mitodoc (Parr’s Dad) came home and noticed that he could not pickup some AM stations on the kitchen radio. Even stranger was the fact that his portable radio also had the same problem. In fact, every single radio in the house refused to modulate anything intelligible on the AM band.

He was perplexed as to what was going on and decided to scout outside with his portable radio/static detector to find signal. Around 15-20 feet away the static quickly dropped off and AM radio was restored!

Arrive one Odn, disheveled and tired from a long day of work. Reports of static on every radio poured into him. The radio detectors function was shown, someone mentioned a wireless headset and the path was clear.

Here was something new and real that I could troubleshoot! No more nebulous software with its crypts of runic hieroglyphs. This was something real, something physical that I could explore. A real life puzzle for me to enjoy!

Armed with Mitodoc’s trusty portable radio (here on in described as a PKE meter) I proceeded to scan the entire house looking for the source of interference. If I stood in certain locations and held the PKE meter at just the right angle the energy reading would clear up and AM radio could be heard. It was hard to replicate this though and even the slightest variation would reinvigorate the energy readings.

Searching for the signal was getting us nowhere. This called for drastic measures. “Parr…”, I shouted, “…start turning off everything with electricity!”. The wireless headphones were the first to go, then the TVs, PVRs, VCRs, beloved computers, air conditioning and even the fridges.

Parr…”, I yelled, “…pull the batteries out of Furby!”.

“Will that help?”, she replied.

“No…”, I emoted, “…but I really hate Furby!”*

With the fridge and air conditioning down we were forced to do the unthinkable.

“Unplug everything in our network closet!”, I projected, trying to hold back the tears. A few seconds passed by, the static on the PKE meter seemed oddly calming and then… silence… then prattling of some sports commentary. The AM bands were restored!

I proceeded into the network closet, turned everything on and immediately blocked every AM signal in our house. Hmm, interesting. I put the PKE meter on a shelf and started unplugging things one by one. My guess was that the 16-port switch was the culprit although I was really afraid it might be our DSL modem or firewall. Click, not the modem. Click, not the router. Click, the switch!

Upon further investigation it was only the power adapter feeding the switch! With it plugged in just to the power, minor static could be heard on the PKE meter. When the adapter was plugged into the power and fed into the switch… MASSIVE RF SCRAMBLING throughout the house. Nice! The interference was being magnified and possibly spread even farther through all the cat 5 cables snaking their way through our interior.

With the culprit found there was but only one solution. Money! That’s right, when time is short or your patience is low, try throwing money at a problem. Corporations do it so why not you?

I ran out looking for a radio shack at 9:00pm. I had a bad feeling they might be closed and this was realized as I drove past one on the highway. Best Buy was the next target. They were open till 10pm due to the holiday season but did not have either the right power adapters (one helpful guy kept pointing out 500 milliamp ones while I tried to explain that I needed 5 amps) or a 16 port hub. Oh they had every kind of wireless setup, even the pre-sanctioned N standard. Bleah!

Only one place to go now, Comp-”a feel”-USA! Low and behold there were no power adapters to be found but rows and rows oh shiny network equipment beckoned to me. Three brands of switches, different models even, Joy! Eighty bucks later (wow someone is making a profit) I was heading out the door and thinking about how I was the modern day equivalent of the hunter. I would be returning home with the digital bacon that would feed my family’s need for information and our connection to the world would be restored once again.

Odn went to sleep later that night excited at the adventure he had and comfortable in the fact that he still owned the AM radio interferatron (patent pending). He knew it would be useful one day to block out the incessant prattling of the insipid sports talk show guys that plague the innocent amplitude modulation realm.

To Be Continued….

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